Pleading For Insanity
by LoveTheBoyWithTheBread
Summary: After Clove's death, Cato loses it. There is no way he's going to make it if he doesn't forget. So he convinces himself that Clove has somehow made it out of the arena, the details don't matter. Better description inside. Cato's POV. Interested?
1. Losing It

**A/N--New fic. This will be told completely from Cato's POV. It begins with Clove's death. You can read about that in more detail in my fic, 'Wanting Later', the fourth chapter is the one that talks about her death.**

**This might get a tad bit confusing in the first few paragraphs. The italics is the beginning, only the beginning. The rest of the story is told to Clove, as if in a letter. Yes, Cato does go insane, yes, he does ask for this reprieve. You, as the audience, are Clove. This is just a sampler. Any following chapters will be longer, and there is a great possibility that this will take a while to update, do to other fics I've been writing. **

**Disclaimer--I don't own anything that sounds familiar, man :D.**

**Enjoy :)!**

**-Mel  
**

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I yell. I scream. I rip at my clothes. I push my lips against her mouth, trying to restore the flow of oxygen. "CLOVE!"_

_I can't deal with this. I don't think I'll make it out. Not for her, not for me, not for anybody. I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it. No, no, no, no, no! "CLOVE!" Please don't leave me. You can't leave me. You can't leave me here, alone. You can't!_

_"I need help!" I whisper-yell to the sky, to the Capitol, to my mentor. They've got to get me something. "I need to forget about her death. I won't make it if I don't forget."_

_I collapse on her body, breathing in the dead scent of her. I'll die here, then. Because I can't forget about Clove's death. I refuse to forget. The only person who ever touched my heart. The only person I wanted to live, and now she's dead._

_I hear a whoosh. A tiny package parachutes from the sky. It contains a little bottle filled with liquid. I open it. "Thank you!" I whisper, not knowing what it is. I drain the entire thing in one gulp, choking back a sob in the process. _

_Then, everything goes black.

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_

Dear Clove,

I'm so glad they let you out of the arena! It's better that way. But since you're missing all the fun, I'll let you know what's happening.

I walk away from the Cornucopia, the hovercraft disappearing before my eyes. It's time for me to get Thresh. He took my pack. Our pack. I don't know what's in there, but if it's something we need, then I'll get if for us, I swear I will. And I'll take him down while I'm at it.

I break into a steady jog, heading off in the direction that I saw Thresh leave. I was too preoccupied to follow him at the time, I don't remember why, though. I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm off, and even better, it is starting to rain. I know how to kill in the rain. Remember when we trained? We fought in the rain once or twice. I won both times, I think. The memory is getting a little bit foggy, but for the most part, I understand that I won. I almost always beat you, you know. It's funny that you thought you'd be the last one left in the arena. And you're out before everyone else is even dead.

I'm going to admit it, I'm a little bit jealous. But like I said, you're missing out on all the fun. I mean, who do you get to kill now? No one. I get to kill Thresh soon. Then I'll kill everyone else, if they don't die of stupidity first. The Tributes in these Games aren't even a competition anymore.

I lift my face up to the rain. It doesn't annoy me now, like it usually does, but brings about a sense of peace. Remember the time you made Josephine pass out, you had your hands around her neck for so long? That kind of peace. That was a pretty good day for me. I can remember it so vividly now...

_I smirk as I watch you fighting Josephine. Rickie is in the back, tending to the bloody nose that I just gave her. I think of how my fellow trainees aren't much competition for me, then I look at you. You might still grow up to be something, I think. We are only fourteen, after all. There is still plenty of time for you to become vicious. This is a good start, I think as you roundhouse kick Josephine in the face, then lunge on top of her. There is a certain amount of grace in your pounce, like...some sort of animal. Anyway, you wrap your arms around her neck, squeezing tight. I actually stand up, I'm so interested to see what will happen. Josie struggles, then slackens, her face all shades of blue and red. But you think it's a trick, so you keep squeezing. I have to come up behind you and pull you off of her. Our trainer is just watching. You scream at me, but I just slap you across the face and point down. Josie is down for the count. Our trainer comes in, making sure she is still breathing, sort of. He announces that she is, and you smirk triumphantly. But I get one last glance at Josie before I walk away, and her face just looks so peaceful..._

That is the kind of peace the rain brings me now. My eyes slip shut. I can't remember why, but today has been a very long day. I want some rest. I've got plenty of supplies to last me days, although I intend to dispatch Thresh within the next twenty-four hours. But the rain is simply pouring now, so I decide to take a little break.

I lean against a tree, filling a few bottles with the pure rain water. I'm not really worried about it, there are at least three water sources here that I know of, probably more, but I decide I might as well.

BOOM! The thunder, well thunders, shaking me. Something about the sound, it makes me want to...to weep. I don't know why. It is tugging at my memory, but all I can see behind my closed lids is your beautiful face. It's enough for me, and the image causes the sound of thunder to fade into the background. I feel so peaceful, now. I smile up into the leaves of the tree. I'll rest here for just a bit, and when I wake up, I'll go after Thresh. I want to kill him more than I can understand why. It's not just that I want my pack back, or that I want him to die, or that I want to get out of here sooner. It is a rage that boils in me so hot, I feel like I'm about to explode. But there isn't anything I can do about it now.

I lay back against the tree. BOOM, BOOM, the thunder clangs. But I let the awful sound fade to nothing, fading into nothing myself, for just a little while.

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**A/N--Yes, I know that is incredibly short. Like I said, it's just a sampler. Any following chapters will be longer, if I get some interest in this story.**

**so...REVIEW!!!!!  
**


	2. Hunting Thresh

**A/N--Sorry it took so long. Been busy and everything :). Read my other stories? Review? Thanks!**

**Disclaimer--I own not, this morbid plot, where killing rules, and all are fools. Suzanne Collins is not me, yet one day I may be, famous and great, Oh, I can hardly wait!**

**Enjoy :)!  
**

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I wake up, grinning. I had a dream about you, again. We were back home, and living in Victors' Village. And my dad wasn't anywhere near us, and neither was your older brother. It was a really good dream. The only problem with having good dreams, is waking up to face reality. It's still raining. Pouring, actually. The rain is coming down like I've never seen before. The Gamemakers must have fabricated this storm. Probably for Thresh and I.

I get up to follow him, jogging along the path that will lead me to the murd-- what was I thinking? I can't remember. Anyway, I'm on my way to kill Thresh, followed by the two love birds of District 12. Then I'll take down that sneaky girl. Just like we planned, right? Only now I have to do it alone. I miss having you with me to cover my tracks, but this way I get to have all the fun of killing them to myself.

I smile to myself. Yes, it's good that you are gone. That way I will get all the glory, and my dad can leave me alone. And no one will ever question me again, ever. I am an unstoppable force. Nothing scares me, nothing breaks me. I've never cried a day in my life. I am Cato. I am invincible. Just you watch me, I'll take them down within twenty-four hours. All four of them. And then I'll be back home with you.

I start toward the field of grain. I am loathe to enter it, because it's so tall I won't be able to see. I'm hoping to draw him out of the field. You remember how the rest of the Careers were all scared to go after him? Not me and you, baby. We're the tough ones, that's why we're the only ones still alive.

_"We can make it!" you say, first hesitantly, and then with conviction. "Come on, guys. It's six against one. Plus, it's just Thresh out there. No biggie, right?"_

_Peeta paces around uselessly in the background, not wanting to be a part of the decision making process. Glimmer looks around nervously, her green eyes sparkling with fear. "You never know what could be in that field, Clove," Salacia says, always the voice of reason. "Now if it was the lake or something, I'd be all for that, that's my natural element. I wish I was back at the ocean right now..." she trails off, and I decide that she's mostly useless._

_"I don't know, Clove. There could be snakes or something. Or...I don't even want to think about it, can't we just pick off the easy ones first, focus on Thresh later?"_

_"Later? Like after you're dead, and it's just me and Clove left? The only ones who have any guts? Sure, Marvel. We can wait 'til later. Maybe I'll just kill you now and then we can go!" I scream at him, marching towards him coldly. I want to rip his head off, see if he really does have a spine. Stupid, good for nothing Career! He might as well be on his own. I growl at him._

_"I'll do it for you," Glimmer scoffs, and Marvel's jaw drops open at the betrayal. I've watched them interact, and it's obvious who hates who, and who wants to get into who's pants. "Let's just wait, okay, guys?"_

_"Whatever!" I spit, hating to not be making the decisions._

_"Fine. But this discussion isn't over," you intone, the others look around nervously. You always scared them all. It's one of the reasons I like you._

Yup, that's why we're alive, and they are all dead. Dead and gone. Except Peeta. He should be dead. He shouldn't have lasted as long as he has. He's worthless. I'm surprised he even killed Salacia's district partner way back on the first day. Didn't think he had it in him. And he just continued to become more and more spineless as the days wore on. Good thing he's out of my hair now, or I would probably kill him this second just because of the angry emotions thinking of him provokes in me. Spineless. Just like Marvel and Salacia and Glimmer. Well, Glimmer wasn't quite as spineless. But she didn't last, either.

The water slows me down, but it has also beat down the weeds and grass enough that it is no longer taller than me. I'm not scared to enter this field. Not one bit. Although, I would feel more confident with you at my side. It was nice when it was that way. Even when we fought, which was the majority of the time. But that's okay. I really love you, you know? It's weird. I never really thought I _could _love someone. But you bring out the best and worst in me, and I really don't think I'd be able to kill you if they wanted me too. I mean, if they had decided not to change the rules, and then they didn't take you out. If it got down to just the two of us, I don't think I would have done it. Which is weird for me to think. There's something about you, though. I don't understand it.

BOOM! The thunder, er, thunders in the distance. I grit my teeth and continue to walk through the field. The good thing about this storm is that it will be easier to see Thresh through it. BOOM! That noise makes my heart pound. It reminds me of the cannon, which should be a good sound, right? It means we are closer to home. But the sound makes my chest cave in on itself, my palms sweat, if they can do that in the rain. It makes me uneasy, dredging up bad memories that I try to suppress. It doesn't work though, and I fall to my knees, the grasses now coming above my head.

What's happening to me? I think I'm seeing my life flash before my eyes.

_You walk up to me, screaming incoherently. You threaten to kill me._

_You tell me that it's all going to be okay, that you won't let anything happen to me. You say it with confidence, like you actually need to protect me._

_You ask me what's going to happen to us once we get back to District 2, begging me to tell you we'll still be together, if not in so many words._

_You lean in to kiss me. So close. So close. So close. _

_I tell you that we'll have plenty of time for that later._

_Your body, laying on the ground, bleeding, I sob over you._

_The hovercraft takes you away. _

You're home now. Back in District 2. That's where you are, right?

BOOM!

That noise! Ah, I cover my ears, trying to make the pain and sound and hurt and everything just _stop!_ It does, momentarily. A brief reprieve from the solitary confinement of my own making. My mind, swirling in time with yours. I can feel it, I can feel us, moving, together. One. My Clove and I. So beautiful, so fierce, so deadly. Where are you now? Why aren't you with me, why did you leave me to the--BOOM! I curl up into a ball, because I can't stand the crashing of the thunder. I can't stand it. It's too painful. I'm breaking apart. I, Cato, am no longer me. No longer ruthless. Things can touch me now, they can get to me, when they never could before. What's happening? BOOM!

I close my eyes, trying to make it all go away. Maybe, if I pretend it's gone--what am I saying? I don't need to pretend anything! I can do, be, feel, think whatever I want. I am the ultimate killer. The ultimate Career. I am the ultimate player in these Games, and I will ultimately be winner. That's all I have to focus on, now.

I trudge through the grass, the mud sucking at my feet, trying to pull me in. Then my foot gets stuck, and the mud really is pulling me in. And down, down, down. I feel myself slowly going down. Up to my ankle, but just on my right foot. Now to my shin. I struggle, trying to fight my way out of--BOOM!--this like I fight my way out of everything else. But the mud has got me in its grip. I'm afraid that I won't get out, that I'll keep sinking into the bowels of the earth and never reappear, never resurface. Will I never see you again?

No, I can't let that happen. I promised you later, and I'll give you later.

I clench my jaw, and I pull out, grabbing on to clumps of thick, hair-like grass with both hands and pulling as hard as I can. I start to slip through. I can feel my boot staying behind, burying itself in the mud. I might lose my boot. That would be bad, I've still got four tributes to--BOOM!--kill. Maybe that was really the cannon, and not thunder. I pull harder, twisting my toes to try and hold onto the boot from the inside. Maybe I will only have to worry about three tributes. My foot starts to slink free of the sinkhole. The boot comes with it, for which I am grateful. It would be hard to walk around, let alone fight, with only one shoe on. Besides, that would just piss me off to no end.

It's actually getting dark already. I mean, besides the thundercloud darkness. It is a losing-daylight type of darkness. I don't really mind fighting Thresh in the dark. I have those glasses, so I can use them. I doubt he has a pair, which would put me at a much greater advantage than I already have. The thing is, I'm tired. Walking around in the rain all day has really worn me out. There really isn't any place to rest out here that won't get me muddy and pounded by rain though. I look back over my shoulder. I can't really see through the rain, but I can tell that our old camp isn't too far away from here. It would take me maybe, half an hour to get there. Then the storm might clear up overnight, and tomorrow I could fight Thresh in daylight and sunlight.

But the storm is probably for us; for our fight. They wouldn't stop it that soon, I can guarantee it. The anthem begins to play, and I look up into the sky, raindrops pelting my eyes like hail. BOOM! It sounds over the noise of the anthem, which is barely audible as is, and I'm distracted for a second, that gripping pain radiating throughout my chest. I can't explain it, but it is terrible. Something I never want you to have to experience. It feels like a heart attack or something. Maybe I'm dying.

It takes me a minute, but I recover, and I see that there are no faces in the sky tonight. Good, that means I have four tributes to kill all on my own. That should be fun. Great fun. The thunder keeps roaring, the rain keeps pouring, and I'm stuck here in the gusty wind. There isn't much I can do about it, because I've decided not to turn back. That would be a wasted hour, and I want to get Thresh killed sooner rather than later. I walk a ways away from the sinkhole that almost had me in its grip, find a spot of relatively dry grass,--and I do mean relatively, it is still sopping wet, just not too soupy--and curl up for what I dub to be the last night Thresh lives. He won't get to hear the anthem play tomorrow, but his face will be up there, blurred by the falling rain.

I promise you, I'll take that worthless boy down tomorrow. If it's the last thing I ever do.

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**A/N--Review :). And check out my other stories, please?**


	3. In a Timely Fashion

**A/N--Sorry that this puppy took so long! Sheesh! I kind of forgot about it! hehe. Sorry! :).**

**Disclaimer--Thanks to Pen for the word 'didactic'!**

**Enjoy :)!  
**

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Today is the day! It's still raining, but at least I'm not tired anymore. I've got enough stamina to get me through the marshy land that Thresh is hiding in. Sure, it's tough going, but nothing I can't handle. You could deal with it too, I'm sure, if you were still here. None of the other Careers this year would have been able to. They were all too scared to even enter this grassland when it was sunny and dry, I can't imagine their reaction to the rain and clouds and thunder.

The thunder still shakes me. I don't know what it is about it. Something...it reminds me of something. Something painful. Oh, well. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Maybe...maybe it's because I'm sick of being strong, and it's easier to be weak when no one is watching. You'll find out soon enough, when you get this. Then you'll understand how I feel. Don't think poorly of me for it. I just can't be the perfect killer all the time. Sometimes, I've got to take a moment to just feel.

I don't like feeling though; feeling hurts. I grit my teeth, getting back into the zone. Thresh's day is here. It has finally arrived. Then I'll only have to worry about the Love Birds from District 12, and the red-haired girl. I--I wish I could have killed her, the day of the feast. I was so close, but something pulled me back. I don't remember what it was.

My sword is attached securely to my side. It will stay there, perfectly in place, inside it's leather sheath, all the way until I see Thresh. He will die by its blade, the same blade that has already killed children. I'm not sure how many. I can't remember anymore. It's the same blade that cut Peeta, though. I know that. He should be dead by now. He should have been dead days ago. I can't believe he's survived this long. Katniss is obviously protecting him, or he wouldn't make it. I'm willing to bet whatever she took off with at the feast was for him.

I can't believe that girl's stupidity. Putting herself in danger like that for someone she loves. Seriously, it's the Hunger Games! Learn not to love, dumbie. Although, look what I've done. I never loved anyone in my life until the Games. Until I started seeing you for who you really were--are. Beautiful, not just a competitor. Strong, not just annoying. And so many other things. I can't really express them right, even in my own head. They don't make sense to me. They don't make sense to be coming from my brain, the thoughts I have when I think of you. You cause me to be such a different person. I could stay this way, after I kill Thresh and the rest of them. I could stay...this me. I could be different. Touchable.

I can't tell if that is an attractive trait for myself or not. Touchable. I've always been untouchable Cato.

_"That's right Cato, work at it. They can't reach you. No one can, no one can get at you. You're untouchable! You're the winner!" My dad never stops praising me. But he never stops belittling me, either. It isn't that he doesn't care about me, in his own way. It's just that his way of caring sucks. _

_I'm only three when he sends me into Training, and I'm only six when I get my first 'kill' against a Trainer. All you have to do is get in a position that you could kill them in. It's not even hard. Get your knife up to their throat, or at their heart, or stomach. Still, six is young for that. Most don't get their first 'kill' until they are at least ten, and a lot even older than that. You got your first when you were seven. I know, because I was watching you. You've always had a hold on me, in your own way. I was either watching you, because I thought you were competition, or..._

Or because I don't want you to get hurt. So I guess I am touchable now. There's that spot, inside my chest, where I can be hit. By you. I'm so glad you're out of here, if you were still able to die...I'd lose my mind, I think. I couldn't help but going mad if you got hurt. It's for the best that you aren't hunting Thresh with me.

BOOM! Yeah, I'm getting more used to the thunder now. That's a good thing, it was really disturbing me for a while. But Thresh is so close, I can smell him! I'm going up a hill now. I barely notice it at first, just a gentle slope is all it is. But then the incline grows, and I'm having trouble staying on my own two feet. It's a slippery slope, I'm climbing. Very, very slippery indeed.

That's when I see him. When the hill gets so steep, that I have to hold on with both hands to work my way up it, grabbing onto chunks of wet, sticky grass, he appears at the top of the incline. He seems bigger, somehow. And he's shining. Above that, the water seems to glide right off him, not even penetrating his outfit. Oh, that's it. He's got something silvery covering him. Like, like a sort of body armor. That must have cost a fortune for some Capitol idiot to send. Unless that's what he got at the feast. It could be.

What if it's _my _armor?! He stole my freaking bag, that's probably why he has the armor! No one else deserves it but me! It's mine, it's mine, "It's mine!"

"Then come and get it!" That's not the voice I was expecting from Thresh. But, as it is distorted by the thunder and rain, I suppose it could sound different in reality. But his voice doesn't matter to me. It's his words! That piece of crap is goading me! Like...like he can...scare me or something! Like he can make me lose my temper, or make a mistake or...or.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!" I scream wordlessly at this huge boy from District 11. It doesn't even matter, doesn't even matter, doesn't even matter. Nothing matters but the fact that he'll be on the end of my sword sooner or later...okay, sooner.

"Wha's the madder, mister Career? Can't take a challenge?" That no good, stupid little.

"Get your ass off that hill and fight me like a man!"

"No thanks." I didn't see the rock before. Maybe it's because my vision has tunneled into tiny circles of red-hot anger. Or because the rain blocks half of everything I can see. But he's got a rock in his hand, and it's big. He throws it at me, but I keep climbing. It hits my shoulder, and skids off my back. I scream louder now, fury mixed with pain. It hurts worse than I was expecting. In fact, I must be bleeding, because a warm substance is soaking my shoulder now. Ow, that hurts. It doesn't matter, though; I keep climbing.

I'm almost at the top now, almost to my goal. And I haven't seen Thresh in about a minute. He must have run away, that chickenshit. There is no way he can run as fast as I, though, so I will catch up to him soon enough. I look down, getting a tighter grip on the last chunk of grass before I have to pull up and reach over the side. When I look back up, I see gray. And not the ordinary gray of a thundering sky, but the dirty, gritty gray of a boulder. A boulder that is about to land on my head.

I can't let go, or else I'll fall all the way down the slope. But I can't hold on, because it will give me a concussion at the very least, and kill me at the most. I take a deep breath, and let my instincts take over. Which is why I can't tell you how I got onto the top of the hill. I can't tell you what steps I took to go from almost dying to ready to kill. I just don't know.

His eyes are wide and scared, and I wonder if he was really stupid enough to think that he could kill me. "Well Thresh. Do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way? Take off my armor, and I'll kill you quickly. Leave it on, and I'll kill you slowly. Either way, you die, and I get the armor. Your choice."

"What do you mean 'your armor'?" He stammers. I'm too impatient to deal with this, and start moving forward. He gets down into a crouch. "It came in my bag!"

"LIAR!" I'm in no mood to deal with lying, stealing, stupid, incompetent, big, fat monkeys like this one. He's making me so mad, I've even lost my ability to come up with good insults. Pig! I lunge at him, my sword drawn in one, fluid movement.

Somehow, he evades the blade's stinging side, and gets to the other side of me, because suddenly there is something hard smashing against the back of my head, and I'm on the ground, staring up at the rain. Something scrapes across my bleeding shoulder, and my vision narrows even farther, training in on the spot that Thresh's heart should be.

The moment I twist my arm, I know that no matter how quickly Thresh moves, the blade will slice into him. It hits him square in the chest, but somehow, bounces off! It's my freaking armor! It's protecting him. "TAKE IT OFF!" I have no way to tell if he heard me or not, but I scream so loud and manically, it is almost certain he heard at least the pitch, if not the words.

Even though the blade bounced off, it still was a hard hit, and it pitched him back a few feet, where he tripped over something in the soupy sea of grass, and landed hard on his back. I can practically see the stars fluttering around his head.

I lean over him, pinning him to the ground. If he wasn't in so much pain, he could probably just shove me off with his girth, but as is, he's stuck beneath me. I find the cinch that holds the armor together, and begin carefully pealing it off, laughing the entire time. When this job is plenary, and only the armor on his legs remains, I stick the sword to his side, pushing in just barely, just enough to draw blood. He gasps in pain. "I gave you your choice," I say. "This could have been easy, " I say.

"You...you don't hafta do this!" His voice is already fading, and his eyelids are slipping shut. I push the blade farther into his side, making him gasp again, his eyes opening wider than I've ever seen them.

"Sure I do," I say. Like his didactic little stuttering could make me realize some glaring truth, and I would decide suddenly not to kill him. I snort at the very thought.

I push the blade in farther, and I see it slashing under his skin, reaching through his stomach. I twist, and see the blades edge poke up by his navel area. I laugh. Thresh is screaming now, and it is music to my ears. Beautiful, sweet music. So much sweeter than the BOOM! of the thunder, or anything else I've ever heard. This is revenge. For...something. I don't know what, though.

One last push, and the tip of the blade comes out the other side. His eyes are wide, his mouth agape. His torso is reaching upward, trying to suck air into his drowning lungs. I'm covered in his blood, covered, covered, drenched! It's glorious.

Here comes the cannon: BOOM! Right on time.

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**A/N--Next time it takes me this long to update something, please send me some hate mail, okay!?**

**Thanks guys! REVIEW!**

**-Mel  
**


	4. Reprieve

**A/N-Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! All of you guys are so patient :). Thank you for that.**

**Disclaimer-Isn't the fact that this story is on effeffdawtnet enough to know that I don't claim THG as my own?**

**Enjoy :)!  
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Oh, my dear Clove, how wondrous it is to wake up in a puddle of blood that is not your own. How can I describe the feeling to you, when I know you've never been through it? I can't describe it, so I'll just sit here smiling in ecstasy and pretend that you could possibly know the feeling that I am surrounded by at this moment.

Last night, I moved away after I killed him. Sure, it took me awhile to realize that I really had to move. I was just laughing so hard, I almost cried with tears of joy for the revenge that I got. That's what it was, revenge. I don't remember why, but I know that that is what it must be. I finally feel like a free man. The hovercraft came and removed his body, my sword still in it, because I have other weapons. Then I went back and slept on the bloody ground where he took his last breath.

Now I feel energized. Like I can take on the world. Dad always said that I could, if I tried hard enough. Of course, he's always thought of me as less than human. Maybe I am, but then again, maybe I'm not. I'm human around you, aren't I?

But I haven't always acted human around you.

_"Cato, stop!" You call, but I don't listen. I'm entrenched in the moment. Beating Danferd is one of the most satisfying moments of my life. I haven't trained with a boy in years; no boys my age are near my skill level, only girls. And though I'm not chivalrous enough to think that I can't hit girls, it still isn't as satisfactory to beat up a little priss as it is beating up a man._

_Besides, Danferd is three years older than me, he should be able to hold his own._

_"Cato, he's unconscious! Just knock it off already!" You're getting closer. I hadn't noticed when Danferd had passed out. I guess I wasn't really paying that much attention. I stop, not because I want to, or because you tell me to, but because it is no fun to kick someone's butt when you don't even feel that you're doing it. I was to the point where it was reflex, instinct, not calculation and brawn. _

_You don't seem to care that I'm climbing off of his unmoving body. You barrel right into me. It's not that you're very heavy, but your force knocks me over. I almost land back on top of Danferd, but the momentum carries me right over him, and I skid across pavement, tiny pebbles embedding themselves into my flesh. You don't waste a second. I'm still moving when you start punching me in the face. _

_You've lost it, I can tell that much. But it's not really a surprise. You've lost it around me before, many times. I smile, spit blood into your face, listen to you shriek. Then I throw you off of me, and climb on top of you. I start punching you like I'll never have the chance again._

_Then you stop breathing. I can feel it, the exact moment when your heart or lungs or whatever just quit working. And I'm back in the same position I was in a minute ago; me beating someone senseless while someone else yells at me to quit._

_It's our Trainer. He pulls me off of you. He has a medic with him, and the woman begins to restart your heart, breathe air back into your lungs. My face is burning with rage and indignity and my vision is tunneled and red. I don't care._

I come out of my reverie slowly, and it takes me a few minutes to realize that at some point it has stopped raining. The grassland is still swampy and muddy. I don't want to risk losing a boot by staying here too long, so I tromp my way through the once tall, but now beaten down, grasses back towards the forest. That's where the other three competitors-if you can call them that-will be.

The sun is shining now. It's actually a little bit too hot. All of Thresh's armor is in my backpack. I decided to bring it along even though it's too big for me. On second thought, I guess it was probably meant for him, not me. I don't really care though; it's mine now. I stop and decide to put it on.

It's the kind of thing I could never imagine you doing. You'd want to go kill those other kids right away and get back to District 2. I don't know why you were in such a hurry to get back. District 2 isn't all that great. That's the point of the Games, right? To get away from my dad. I clamp on the pieces of armor, and the way the sunlight reflects off of the metallic strips reminds me of the way the moonlight shone off your smile the night before the feast. I hope I'll see you again soon. I know I'll see you again by the end of the Games, but I hope that end comes today or tomorrow. Against all odds, I miss you.

Sometimes I can't remember exactly why I decided to volunteer for the Games. Was it to kill, to be a Victor, to get away from my dad, because my dad wanted me to...? I can't remember which reason made me call my name at the reaping.

_"I don't care what you want, Cato. You're going into those Games, and you're gonna win."_

_"Like you could force me to do anything," I snap back at my dad. It doesn't really matter, because I want to volunteer, but I don' t like people bossing me around, and that's just what he's doing._

_"You've been training for these since you were little. You're the only male experienced enough to have a chance this year." His face gets red and his voice gets lower and calmer. I can tell that he's about to snap. When he snaps, he hits me. I don't care, it never leaves much of a mark, and I'm used to temporary pain. It's my little sister that I'm worried about. When he gets really mad, and he can't get to me, he takes it out on her. And she's only eight._

_"Whatever." It comes out angrier than I expected. I'm trying to appease him so that he doesn't hurt Clarasine, but I really just make him angrier. I turn my back on him and walk away._

_This time, when his clammy hands touch my skin, it's not in a punch. His hands wrap around my neck and squeeze. It's so quick, and so unexpected, that by the time I know to react I'm already gasping for air. I can feel the blood draining from my head, the air seeping from my lungs. I think that he's really going to kill me, right here, before I've even had a chance to volunteer for the Games._

_"Dad!" I don't have enough blood in my brain to process that Clarasine walking by is a bad thing. All I can think is, "Thank you, God," as the air roars back into my lungs and I fall to my knees, gasping._

_The direness of the situation crashes over my head as I see Dad's smile grow to something demonic. "Oh, Sin," he says quietly, chuckling to himself. "Do you want to help your brother?"_

_"I'll volunteer!" I gasp, grabbing onto the leg of his pants as he walks towards my baby sister. "Don't hurt her."_

_He pulls his hand back, and for a brief second I think that he is seeing reason. "It's out of your control now, Cato." And his hand zips forward._

"Sin!" I find myself gasping, and not even fully understanding that I've just had some vivid flashback that isn't happening right now. It's like I can still see the silent tears on her flushed face, the way her curly brown hair falls around her shoulders, the way she stands in silent defiance against my dad, the demon. And by volunteering, I've left her all alone with that thing.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I seem to be having a lot of vivid flashbacks. It's like that saying, "...and my life flashed before my eyes." Only I'm not dying, so why am I seeing all these scenes?

I notice, vaguely, that I'm on my knees with my hands clasped around my throat. I push myself to my feet. Wouldn't want the audience to see me as weak. I continue to walk toward the forest.

When the sun is high in the sky, and I'm just reaching the trees, I hear a disturbance in the world around me. Everything goes silent, and then everything screams into life. There's a cannon shot that echoes in the distance, and then there is a weird, stampeding sound. It doesn't take me long to figure out that the stampeding sound is probably a stampede. It's far off, so I don't think it will come near me. I stop by the lake to fill up a canteen of water, then enter the forest.

It is cooler in here, where there is shade provided by the tall trees. I take a deep breath, enjoying the reprieve, then continue forward. There are still burnt sticks on the ground from that fire the stupid girl set on the first night. I smirk.

Then I realize that someone else has just died. There are only three competitors left in this game, and I'm willing to bet the other two are both from the same district. Two against one isn't fair. I know that I can take them, but I'd still rather have you at my side. Will you come back? Just for the final two kills? I know that I'd rather have you where you are; safe. Still, it'd be nice to have some company.

I keep trudging through the forest. I'm at areas that I haven't been to before; the arena is larger than I originally anticipated. I'm getting tired, and it's getting late. I sit down where I am, leaning against a tree. There is some kind of wide leaf next to me, and I start chewing on it. At the moment, I can't remember if there is food in my bag or not, but I'm being much too lazy to get it out.

Something falls from the sky, crashing through the trees. I don't bother to get up, because I realize almost immediately that it is just a silver package from my sponsors. Another one falls before I can open the first one, following the same path as its predecessor. I open the first package first, because I assume that that is how it was meant.

It's some tiny vial of something. I open it up, and realize that it has an eyedropper in it. I squeeze some of the liquid out-it's syrupy-and drop about five drops onto my tongue. I swallow, and the bitter taste trails down my throat.

My stomach accepts it for about three seconds before I'm violently sick, puking up all of the food I've had in the last day. Mostly just those leaves. I wonder why my sponsors would send me something that made me sick. Then it clicks. Those leaves must have been poisonous. I have to be more careful.

I open up the second package. A bunch of strips of dried beef. I sigh audibly. I'm so sick of dried food.

I cram some into my mouth anyway, then don't even bother to put the rest in my pack before I drift off to sleep.

I'm awakened by the anthem. I look up briefly to see the face of the little sneaky girl that I hate. From District 5. I can't remember what she did to me at the moment, but I know that I hate her, even more than I hate Lover Boy.

When my eyes close, all I can see is your face. Covered in blood.

* * *

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